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Saturday, March 10, 2007
3/10/2007 10:41:00 PM
I write this post with mixed emotions
I dont know where to start... ... ...
As i heard it, my heart shattered...
The raw figures hit me like a sharp arrow piercing my heart
Mixed feelings it shall be...
I improved for all except that subject...
The subject i had most confidence in,
Yet i did BADLY for it.
I was aiming for at least a 4 at least.. But i got a 9...
I felt like crying the moment i saw that NUMBER 9 ..
But my ego held back my tears and i acted like nothing happened..
Many thoughts went thru my mind..
Many sad thoughts..
Many past memories...
The times...
The day i cried, you stood by me,
The day i was happy, you stood by me
The day i cried because of my failure, you were not there.
Instead you were elsewhere...I felt even worse...
But i was happy that you stood just next to me when i cried the worst,
where i could not control my tears.
I just cried but you were there.
I felt touched...
Now some of you maybe wondering who this person is..
I am not going to tell you..
The person should know it ...
Today,
Was also an emotional day for me..
The two of them got married, i was happy..
But many things went through my mind...
I was wondering, Would i get a chance to walk down that aisle next time?
Or would i just be a bachelor?
I would not be one....
I WILL NOT be one...
Time will heal wounds...
When the tears came down, you sensed it, I denied it, deep down, i wanted encouragement, but you gave none...
My whole life, came crashing down,
the anguish,
the disappointment,
the sadness..
All came at the same time....
I hid it well...
Then came dinner where my sisters wanted to see how i fared,
they encouraged me,
But my mom didnt.
Instead, i got a lecture...
I know i improved, but just give me that LITTLE MORE time to prove myself...
I believe in myself.
I have faith in myself.
The anguish
tHE SADNESS
The anxiety,
all would be over...
Maybe my existence in this world would not matter...
My life, not complete, with lots of loopholes,
Un-perfections,
wrongs,
accusations,
Will they come to an end?
Or would they come to an end only if i end it myself by leaving this world without a trace?
Where no one would notice that i had left?
Where even people closest to me would not notice my depression?
Would they?
Bye....
